INTENTIONALITY

You know those kids songs you just cannot get out of your head? Maybe it is “Let it Go” from Disney’s Frozen but for me it is Veggie Tales. These animated vegetables tell stories from the Bible and make wholesome and practical application to kids lives through funny and creative animation that was pretty cutting edge for its time. One song that I can still hum is from the story of Joshua and wall of Jericho. God’s people, the Israelites have been freed from slavery in Egypt, led out by Moses. For forty years wandering around in the wilderness Moses is preparing his successor Joshua to lead the people across the Jordan river and into the “Promised Land.” The first major obstacle is the great city of Jericho known for its impenetrable and high walls. In the cartoon, the animated pees (who always seem to have a French accent) taunt Joshua by singing “keep walking but you won’t knock down our walls…it’s plain to see your brains are very small, so keep walking, but you won’t be knocking down our walls.” The tune is catchy, and now I will be working for the next couple days to forget it. The story is one of trust in God’s power to overcome the impossible for the people rather than relying on their own strength and ability. God comes through, but that is not the story I find most interesting in the book of Joshua. It may sound funny, but I think one of the most significant parts of the whole story of Joshua’s life is a little talked about, usually breezed past, set of verses in chapter four.

¹ When the entire nation had finished crossing over the Jordan, the Lord said to Joshua, ² “Pick twelve men from the people, one man per tribe. ³ Command them, ‘Pick up twelve stones from right here in the middle of the Jordan, where the feet of the priests had been firmly planted. Bring them across with you and put them down in the camp where you are staying tonight.’”

⁴ Joshua called for the twelve men he had appointed from the Israelites, one man per tribe. ⁵ Joshua said to them, “Cross over into the middle of the Jordan, up to the Lord your God’s chest. Each of you, lift up a stone on his shoulder to match the number of the tribes of the Israelites. ⁶ This will be a symbol among you. In the future your children may ask, ‘What do these stones mean to you?’ ⁷ Then you will tell them that the water of the Jordan was cut off before the Lord’s covenant chest. When it crossed over the Jordan, the water of the Jordan was cut off. These stones will be an enduring memorial for the Israelites.”

⁸ The Israelites did exactly what Joshua ordered. They lifted twelve stones from the middle of the Jordan, matching the number of the tribes of the Israelites, exactly as the Lord had said to Joshua. They brought them over to the camp and put them down there. ⁹ Joshua also set up twelve stones in the middle of the Jordan where the feet of the priests had stood while carrying the covenant chest. They are still there today. (Common English Bible)

Intentionality is about doing lasting things which prompt the question “what do these stones mean to you.” Intentionality requires us to pause our journey at important junctures and place reminders. What stones mark important crossings in your life? What effort can still be visible? The author recounting the story of Joshua and the people of Israel remarks “they are still there today” likely hundreds if not more years later. I got the privilege to walk around Stonehenge in the UK. We do not have a record of what these stones were for, but their immense size and organization have drawn the attention and captured the imagination of millions. On that same trip I saw ruined castles and old cathedrals, magnificent works of architecture in stone. The intentionality of builders, artisans, and engineers can still be seen and appreciated. How are you building your life? What sorts of features will people admire as beautifully crafted? The problem we all face is not in our desire to have our lives reflect beauty and leave a mark on the world. Instead our problem is in the execution of plans. We set goals, often too lofty for ourselves, perhaps we call them New Years Resolutions or family priorities or company values. We spend an enormous effort articulating what the goals are and then set about creating an action plan. But then tomorrow or next month comes and the plan gets off track or thrown completely out the window. We find ourselves in cycles of desiring to complete goals but hopelessly falling short until discouragement leads to complacency and complacency leads to apathy when we no longer believe in setting goals, priorities, or values resigning to one of my favorite mottos “it is what it is.” 

I love running. Actually strike that and let me correct it, I love running when I am in running shape. A five to ten-mile run when I am in the middle of training for a marathon is just pure joy. A two-mile run the first week back after a few months of not running consistently — well it is a lot like h e double hockey sticks. Many people have described how life is not a sprint, it is a marathon explaining we all need to be disciplined for the long haul and not making a mad dash from one thing to the next. But after completing my first marathon and training for my second one, I am not so sure discipline is the main lesson to be learned. Training to be Hussain Bolt, the fastest man, requires just as much and perhaps even more discipline than running a long distance race. Therefore the important lesson for both, I believe, is the intention behind your training. The training runs I go on would be terrible preparation for any sort of sprint. I run very slow for a very long period of time. The reason I do is because of the intention I have for running a marathon. My intention is not to win the fastest time at the next 5k or local track and field event. If it was I would choose different methods for training. Why run a marathon? Well I realized a year into my master’s degree program that when I was running and exercising regularly my mind was clearer, I was able to focus on reading and writing more, and I had better sleep patterns. The feedback loop was through reflection with a mentor at my grad school, my father (a leadership consultant), and my wife. The feedback loop continued as I came to realize I would run and exercise consistently for one to two weeks at a time just to have my rhythm interrupted or broken. The marathon was a test in intentionality. Having a goal and deadline helped me wake up on those Saturdays and push through even if I had not run much that week. I set many plans to accomplish certain mileages each week and did not shy away from the desire to run every day and lose weight. But it was not the discipline that ultimately saw me across the finish line, it was the intentionality of knowing this was good for my soul. My dad has run several marathons, his advice to me was that the human body can handle three times our longest training run. I intentionally focused on running the ten to fifteen-mile runs rather than attempting twenty or longer. 

The marathon was scheduled for mid-March. I went into the holiday season of eating way too much, including lots of unnecessary sugar and chocolate, having completed a half marathon at pace and feeling good. Aside from a run here or there I missed the entire month of December and was sporadic until mid-January. With two months to go, I was not even running at peak performance. I realized then that the important thing to do would be to create stones, marking the way to remind me I can do this. I did this by running two fifteen mile runs with only one day of rest in between a few weeks before the marathon. I do not remember how I felt during any of the other training runs I ran during the whole six months I spent in preparation for the marathon, but I remember those two fifteen mile runs. And I can tell you, I recalled moments from them during the marathon. 

Too many of us look at our goals like marathons. We see them as big projects requiring tremendous discipline and execution. When we mess up or get behind we fear to fail so we just quit. Intentionality is about placing those markers that will remind us we can do this. Below are six ways I believe we can practice intentionality: 

1. Car time. Sing together songs (especially with your kids is incredibly positive and will bolster your relationship when the time comes to speak into their lives). Have conversations about what they learned at school or church on the way home. Make the car a phone free zone in your family for adults and kids to foster conversations about life and feelings instead of just times to zone out. 
2. Mealtime. Set aside one meal each week where you will go around and each name something you are thankful for while sharing a family meal around the table (I highly recommend making at least that meal if not all family meals phone-free zones, this should be a mutually agreed upon decision, and if you have kids they will observe when you break the rule). Invite someone over to eat. Neighbors, a family from church, a co-worker, or friend. Hospitality is one way to slow down and get clear on what is really important about being human.  
3. Money. Have a family meeting once in a while and talk to your kids about why you go to church, why you give/tithe at church, what your priorities are as a family, and any concerns or changes that may be taking place and how those make them feel. Sponsor a child through Compassion International or Christian Relief Fund and spend time praying as a family for that child. If you have kids, work with them to raise the money to help sponsor the child.

4. Spiritual conversations. Pray before everyone goes to school or work and rotate who leads the prayer so the kids lead some days. Have everyone read a Psalm each morning and periodically chat about what you’ve read that day or week or a different interval. Do not just relegate prayer to a before meals or bed activity. Talk about what you learned in your devotional time with a trusted friend, your spouse, and your kids. Your kids will notice the commitment and whether you are a Christian at home or just at church. Like it or not kids become what their parents model. Read Scripture aloud together. 
5. Marriage. Be present when you are together. Exercise together. Create downtime where you can both listen and express what is true about your relationship. Learn to speak your spouses love language.  
6. Technology. Create healthy limits on technology and boundaries to encourage relationships. 

Intentionality is not about getting all six of these right every day. Rather it is about moments where we crossover, in the face of many obstacles and pause for a moment to pile up some rocks so that when we pass by again we are reminded. Each date night where we intentionally lean into an important conversation and practice active listening builds a marker in our marriage. On the nights when we intentionally plug the phone into the charger in the kitchen rather than the bedside table we construct a marker. These stones are what will get us through when we hit the doldrums of mile 20. 

Intentionality markers can help us gain clarity. As my wife and I get ready to bring into the world our little daughter Ashlynn, we tried to craft some clarity about our marriage. 

 

This is a reflection tool called 4 Modes Thinking adapted from a lean one-page tool called A3 by my dad. You may have read this one-pager and thought, “those are some ambitious goals, but it would just not work for us.” And you are probably right. Remember intentionality is not about writing idealistic goals that create a burden. This one-pager has emerged out of many big goal conversations that usually led to nowhere. In fact, in its current iteration, we get more triangles and Xs than circles. But the articulation of our desired state, through many of the “why” analysis, has led us to establish some marking stones along the way. The weeks or days we intentionally followed these PIPE dreams instilled a memory of what a dinner, exercise, morning prayer, and vacation can be like when we put the phone away, turn off the Netflix show at eight pm, and hold each other’s hands as we commit the day ahead to God. This does not mean we do it every morning or every week, but when we unexpectedly find ourselves both awake with a minute to spare before embarking on the day it is like the stones are sitting there marking the way forward. Now when the clock reads eight pm after a long day instead of just beginning to watch tv we opt to sit and talk with the phones plugged in the kitchen. Sure there are nights we break the rules and watch another episode after eight or begin a movie right as the clock is turning to eight. Sure the endless scrolling on Facebook or the responding to email may be the last thing we do before bed, but intentionality is having markers that bring awareness and remind us of what life is like when we cross over into the Promised Land. 

My hope is not that you mimic the “How” action plan of our vision for our marriage, what we call our PIPE dream. I share the practices and insights because I hope they will spark interest in doing your own training and crossing over the river. The people of Israel lived in the Promised Land, but that did not mean their life was always “overflowing with milk and honey.” The reality of life involved a continuous cycle recounted in the book of Judges and continued through the Kings of Judah and Israel. The cycle was one of sin and separation from God that resulted in being enslaved and harassed. The people would cry out to God for help, and God would send a prophet who would call the people to repentance resulting in freedom. Intentionality acknowledges that there will be seasons and cycles in our lives where we are enslaved to unhealthy masters — addiction, anxiety, fear, busyness, pain, abuse, shame — the marking stones of intentionality remind us we have crossed over and are living in the promised land. Just like the stones at the River Jordan reminded the generations to come about the freedom God gave to the people of Israel from Egypt Janel and I’s PIPE dream practices are stones reminding us of the freedom God has given us. We may be enslaved right now, but God is still with us. The reminders are there for us. Intentionality is not about getting our week just right, but about putting up marking stones in times of freedom to remind us when the “milk and honey” do not seem to be flowing.