A value at our church is the warmth and connectedness that often gets distilled in one word: family. We not only want a family atmosphere but for everyone to know and be known, this is where story-telling comes in. We want to listen and understand each other’s story which is why it is the foundation upon which our mentor groups are built.
A mentor group consists of six to eight people of the same gender varying in
age. Another value of our church is inclusion. The different perspectives that come from having different age groups, races, cultures, occupations, and interests make for a mutual mentoring experience where young and old a like learn from each other.
The busyness of our lives, especially in the context of Los Angeles, pulls us in so many directions it can often feel like we are torn apart and fragmented. We believe a healthy practice is goal setting with a regular rhythm of checking in on how we are doing with the goals we have set in a safe place. We encourage people to set three simple goals: 1) Physical, 2) Relational, 3) Spiritual. Our physical, relational, and spiritual health all play an important role in how we stay whole human beings as God intended.
An example of a physical goal would be committing to a workout or fitness regimen, diet, weight loss goal, or other care for the physical body. A relational goal would be anything that involves interpersonal relationships between us and others in our lives; spouse or significant other, parents, siblings, children, close friends, coworkers, etc. A spiritual goal relates to our relationship with God examples could be committing to prayer, devotional readings, contemplative practices, tithing goal, or any way we commit to being more open and receptive to God revealing God’s
self to us.
While some goals may be for a particular season, after which we will want to commit to new ones, others may be more long term, which we recommit to. The mentor groups provide a time to check in on how we are doing with our goals and either commit to new ones or recommit ourselves to our earlier goals. A good practice is to write down your goals, which is why in our mentor groups index cards are provided at every session to write down your goals and have them with you during the month as a reminder of what you have committed to.
Story-telling and Story-listening
We are not only story-tellers but we are also story-listeners. Both come with responsibilities.
As a story-teller we want to invite others into our story. Telling our story should take about fifteen to twenty minutes. This means we may want to spend a few minutes recalling memories and being intentional about how we cover the facts (where we were born, our family history, schooling, career, and how we got here) by including things from our childhood and recent past that reveal our character. Share more than the bare bones, what excites us with passion? What experiences have shaped how we see ourself and the world? What are our hopes and dreams? Our worries and concerns? As a story-teller we also have the responsibility to be real. We all have the tendency to paint a self-portrait that puffs us up, humility is incredibly important as we share and will go a long way in creating a healthy connection between members of the mentor group. While our faith journey’s are part of our story and a very important part, we want these stories to center on our whole life. The spiritual topics and further conversations allow for time to tell more specifics regarding our faith journey and conversion experience.
As a story-listener we want to practice active listening to others stories. Active listening begins by removing distractions. Practically this means choosing a location where we can hear well and will not be disturbed. This also means choosing to put away things like cell phones and making good, appropriate eye contact and “leaning in” to the story with not just our ears but our whole body as well. Active listening entails participation on our part. When the story is finished or at pauses along the way we ask probing questions like “tell me more about…” We also listen in such a way that we could narrate their story back to them, and do at times to seek clarity, “what I hear you saying is that you felt…is that right?” Our priority is that through hearing each others stories we may come to understand one another more. Active listening by repeating back what we heard, seeking clarity, being curious, and showing interest will allow the person sharing to feel heard and understood. To know and be known for who we truly are is a great gift, one that is extremely vulnerable but also richly rewarding.
Mentor groups are safe spaces where we want to be incredibly respectful of each other. To do so we must remember that anything shared in mentor group is confidential and should not be shared with anyone else without permission.
Spiritual Conversation Topics
The first five conversation topics are the core conversations we would like every mentor group to cover every year. We see these as conversations worth circling back to each year. The other five are resources for your group if you need them. But we ask that in the course of your ten gatherings you do two things: make sure each person has a chance to share their story and discuss at least the five spiritual conversations listed in bold (which do not necessarily have to be limited to one meeting per topic, a group might choose to cover the same topic two months in a row).
- Calling. Honoring God
- The Bible’s Place in our life
- Work and Rest
- Technology
- Prayer
- The Parable of the Seeds
- The Parable of the Good Samaritan
- The Parable of the Lost: sheep, coin, son
- Being Raised With Christ (Colossians 2-3)
- Witness, sharing faith (John 4)
Core Conversations
1. Calling
Read Ephesians 4:1-32.
Q 1. How would you describe the calling you have received? Q 2. What gift and gifts have you been given?
Challenge: What is one immaturity continuing to separate you and God? What is one step of growth you can take to become more mature in that area?
- The Bible’s Place in our lifeRead John 20:21 & II Timothy 3:1-17
Q 1. Describe a time when reading or studying the Bible was particularly life giving/encouraging.
Q 2. What has hindered Bible reading or studying from being life giving?Challenge: What is one way you will be intentional about reading the Bible over the next month? - Work and RestRead Exodus 20:8, Deuteronomy 5:12, & Sabbaths & Vacations blog post on https:// valueaddconversations.com/2018/01/29/sabbaths-vacations/Q 1. Would you describe your life as being in balance of work and rest, as God created the world with a rhythm of work and rest?Q 2. What things are you captive to that keep you from God’s rest?Challenge: What would it look like for you to re-order your week to include a time of rest (a combination of play and withdrawal from work) to the Lord? What small ways could you start to find that rhythm and freedom?
4. Technology
Read Matthew 6:25-34, & Explore the website: timewellspent.io and their Take Control page with tips for your smart phone use.
Q 1. Andy Crouch asks in The Tech-Wise Family: In what ways has technology actually made your life more difficult? And he asks us to consider making decisions about technology with these two questions before us: Will this help me become less foolish and more wise? Will this help become less fearful and more courageous?
Q 2. What is usually the last thing you do before bedtime?
Mentor Groups Guide
Mentor Groups Guide
Challenge: What are some healthy boundaries regarding technology you could incorporate in your life?
5. Prayer
Read Luke 18:1-8 and Matthew 14:22-33
Q 1. What is something you have given up praying about?
Q 2. Peter gets distracted from being with Jesus by the waves, what things distract you
from being with God and make you sink?
Challenge: What might it look like for you to adopt some silence and solitude to provide more space to listen for God’s voice?
Resource suggestion: https://www.pray-as-you-go.org/home
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