Emotions are just part of life. In fact, the ups and downs we experience and the polarity of joy and sadness are what cue us that we are truly human beings. I struggle not to view myself as a “human doing” – defining myself by the task in front of me or the success in my job. As a pastor my work for the last 8 years has been focused on people. Specifically youth ministry you might think is about “youth” but it’s really about managing parents expectations. Some parents play ball and others don’t. More often than not it was the way parents liked or disliked me that moved the needle on how successful I felt in my ministry. But that is not who I am. I am more than just the likes and dislikes, I am more than the coffees, the selfies at student events, the beach days, and summer camps. So who am I?

We are moving from Glendale, CA to Eugene, OR. In many ways it is “going home” for me. Covid-19 hit and disrupted everyone’s lives, and while ours were not impacted financially like others, we began to evaluate our priorities again. The big question of identity came up once again. You see I am so passionate about ministry, theology, and the church that I had trouble defining who I am outside of the church, role, and specific ministry I am in currently. I am a husband, a father, a son, a friend, a neighbor, a mentor, and pastor. Yet, these titles and roles seemed to take a back seat when it came to the fulfillment and purpose I felt – I was evaluating my “success” only with the last one “pastor.” In the last two years Janel has pressed hard on this “character flaw” of mine, and I am so glad that with her help, some therapy, coaching, and the enneagram workshops by Suzann Stabile we’ve made tremendous progress. When I am in pain, dis-integrated, and triggered I still find myself playing the oh too familiar “I’m a failure” track – but these are much less frequent and violent episodes. We have also figured out more helpful behaviors during these episodes.

Now that you are thoroughly glad you’re not married to me, say a prayer for Janel please. She has to be very patient with me. Because life is not all about existential crises. Life is meant to be lived and the moment enjoyed for what it is. So back to the Corona virus hitting LA. We began to go back through the priorities and values we desire to live with. These values are what we then try to make decisions regarding jobs, location, etc. Family is a big one on the list. Settling into a house where Ashlynn can grow up (so not moving every few years). With these and others regarding how we budget, we began to dream what it might look like to move sooner into this stage rather than waiting until Ashlynn was five or six years old. Covid has shaken the whole world up and we decided it might be worth landing in a different spot than we had originally thought we would come August 2020.

Janel will be teaching 4th grade at Eugene Christian School and I will be working to help my dad’s consulting business expand with a new enterprise called Improving Leaders. So we’re flip flopping. Janel will be full time and I will be part time. Janel will bring home the bacon and I will become primary care giver for Ashlynn during this season (with help from her grandparents). With how the economy is and interest rates so low, we were able to buy a house. A lot of the quality of life we have been identifying as “sometime in the next five years we should probably move out of LA so we can do this…this…and this…” – and here we go.

Moving is shaking up my identity because I will no longer be defined by my human doings but as a human being. One who will be with his family and daughter. I will be a church member, and maybe a church starter one day. I am and will continue to be an author. But I am not these things. I am Lars Alexander Coburn – and I am improving. I am thankful for God’s Spirit breathing these gifts into my life.

What about you? How has the disruption of Covid-19 unearthed, refocused, clarified, accelerated, or moved you and your priorities/plans for living your life? Sure, you might not be called to do something quite as drastic as quitting your job and moving states, but there’s probably something drastic that could or even ought to change/move around in your life. What is it the Spirit of God is at work in you?