When I read my own writing most often the first draft is pretty awful. Doing blog posts I try to be a bit more lenient on myself but sermons I’ve written or the early drafts of my book I wrote — well those I often cringe at when reading over again. Yesterday I shared with a group of San Diego Christians on their zoom call focused around engaging young people with the concept of unity. This group is called Common Grounds Unity and there are chapters popping up in several cities with the focused intent to live out unity among Christians, specifically within my church heritage of the Restoration movement. To prep for this ten minute presentation I revisited a sermon I had titled “Thank God for Young People.” Which was a sermon I gave to introduce some of the key concepts in Fuller Youth Institutes book Growing Young to my church. The focus was on empathy and learning to listening to young people. 

Some of the text was actually quite good, if that’s not too self serving. I felt like I was learning from myself. I chose to preach from I Samuel and the story of Hannah dedicating her son to serve in the tabernacle with Eli. The story in I Samuel chapter 1-3 was worth revisiting for me.  

As I reviewed the notes and created a tailored version of the message and some practicals for the zoom call I noted one tip I had given to the church: “fuel a positive atmosphere.” I’m pretty sure that was an FYI suggestion and because I like to ramble I didn’t even get to that part in the zoom call. But this morning I woke up with that phrase in my head. 

Today I am thankful for conversations with friends. From FaceTime, coffee shops, walks along the river, church offices, and marathon phone calls in October I started calling and texting people. Most were friends I knew pretty well, some were new people nearby. Janel and I dropped off little “boom chicka pop” individual popcorn bags with a picture and our contact info to all our neighbors close by. In the past month I’ve had wonderful conversations with neighbors, getting to know them even in a pandemic. These encounters on the phone, in person, and in the neighborhood have been fuel for much of the positive atmosphere living in Eugene. 

But sometimes it’s easier not to plan or follow up. Sometimes to do lists overwhelm and the couch calls my name. I just finished binge watching all of season 7 (which I believe is the final season) of The 100 — which was kinda a teenage fantasy drama about post apocalyptic Earth. I am not sure it’s worth watching for you, but I’m addicted and have to see the end — at this point I have like half an episode left, and like a lot of shows most of the main characters have died…sorry spoiler. Along with my binge this week was an entire tub of Tillamook strawberry ice cream — which is really hard for me to regret, it’s so good. The more I escape through food and tv the more I want to escape. The fuel works both ways, fuel the negativity and you spiral further. 

This morning I read Psalm 48 and the Beatitudes again during my morning prayers. The ones who “hunger and thirst…will be filled.” Growing up my parents were not health fanatics, but they did recognize a connection between a healthy body and a positive and healthy life. What we eat and how we exercise does matter to our well being emotionally and spiritually. I remember having fun helping mom calculate points while they were on weight watchers and using interesting substitutes like my brother and I’s favorite “Molly Butter” (a powder substance that when put on something hot like mashed potatoes melted and in our minds tasted just as good as butter). The problem with a lot of diets is they leave you feeling hungry. This year my parents started a “Keto” regimen while also creating a walking path around their 15 acre farm. The weight they lost was pretty amazing — but more so was that they describe feeling filled and full. They eat fewer meals and feel fuller. I’m not an expert on the Keto diet or the specific methods they use, but I do know for them the food they eat has truly been fuel for a positive atmosphere. (my parents tell me Keto can be hard on your liver and body if you do it all the time, so they recommend doing like 8 weeks on and a couple weeks off or something). 

I can tell you when the episode ends or the ice cream tub is empty I am not usually “filled.” I want more, even in the achy sick feeling sort of way. I want more sugar, more drama, more plot twists, more character development…more escape. Instead I need fuel for the positive atmosphere that helps me lean into the things I am avoiding. To lean into the time with my daughter. To lean into the work of God’s Spirit in my neighborhood. 

When I put the push on to finish my book I was also training for the LA marathon. I often posted on instagram after a long run “running helps me focus.” Exercise, healthy food, the glasses of water throughout the day, and the conversations with friends — these are the fuel that I need. Jesus doesn’t just say the hungry will be full, he says the ones who “hunger and thirst for righteousness” which could also be translated as justice. When I choose healthy fuel, I am more available to the people I love. I am more settled and calm. I am kinder to those in my family. And I am more attentive to the needs of others around me. But when I am fueling escape I become more self serving. I am tired and without energy, so I am short tempered and like to withdraw. I tend to oversleep and physically have less time to get things done.

So what kind of atmosphere are you fueling? I am thankful for the friends who have picked up the phone to call me back, the ones who’ve carved out time to meet for coffee, and for the “divine appointments” in the neighborhood. And I pray God gives me the strength to choose to fuel a positive atmosphere in this season of worry and anxiety.